2017–2020
In 2017, my life changed forever.
It was the week between Christmas and New Years. I was 23 years old, and living in San Diego. I had just gotten approved for an apartment in New York City. I shared the good news with my mother who was back home, in France. I messaged her and she replied how excited she was for me. I fell asleep and woke up to a message from my sister, letting me know that my mother was in the hospital for tests because they had found a lump on her pancreas. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which had metastasized to her liver, lungs and bones. I had used all my savings for my move to the US and my move across the country to New York City, yet I was faced with one of the hardest questions of my life. My mother was fighting a terrifying, life-threatening disease while I was far away trying to start a life I was waiting on for years. Little did I know this would be a recurring wonder and fear. After talking to both my parents, I decided to stay in the US and start a career in New York.
Being in New York City can be a struggle but adding family hardship is even harder.
Since 2017, with a Bachelor’s degree in English and a Bachelor’s degree in Tourism and Marketing I have worked at a Tech Start-up as an Associate, at a Residential Real Estate Company as an Assistant Product Manager, at a Commercial Real Estate Firm as an Executive Assistant, and most recently at a Tour Operator Company as an Operations Manager. Multiple positions that have taught me different valuable lessons such as: if there is no growth opportunity, leave; don’t be afraid to find your passion; the busier work gets, the better.
2020. Today is a rainy July day. It already feels like summer is coming to an end, but it also feels like it never really started. It is month 4 of being in quarantine and unemployed. Suffice to say, it is a depressing day that is tearing apart any ounce of self-confidence just as the rain is washing away the colorful chalk drawings on the sidewalk. We are still waiting for justice for Breonna Taylor, Kanye West tweeted he will be running for President in the fall, the Coronavirus death toll is over 130,000 in the United States.
I have been applying to jobs every day since March 13th. I have worked on my resume, thought about my skills and experiences, had multiple interviews that really went deep into my professional background and what I want out of life. The more the days go by, the more I feel like a failure. I shouldn’t feel this way.
Throughout my growing career, I have been the point of contact, initiated organizational efforts, assisted in planning, and coordinating, and managed social media accounts. I know that I thrive in a fast-paced environment and can quickly think on my feet under pressure when any problem arises.
I was unfortunately furloughed due to Covid-19, and I am taking this as an opportunity to find a position and a company that will make me feel like I am helping people and empowering their lives but how can I do that in the middle of a recession? I am terrified for the future. I’m struggling to find answers to personal questions. Should I leave New York? Will I miss living here? Will I find an opportunity in an other state? Should I go back to school? Would student loans be worth it if it means I can start a new career? Are my two degrees not already enough? Am I good enough? Should I just leave everything behind and go back to France? Will I be as miserable as I think I would there? Will I have my heart broken?
My mother is one of the strongest people I have ever known. These current times have been extremely difficult but the drive to make my mother proud is even greater. I owe it to my mother to succeed because otherwise what’s the point of me being here and me having been here when she was really sick.
2020 was always going to be life changing, I just had no idea how much. In the three months prior to quarantine, I adopted a sweet cat, survived jury duty and moved apartments. Now, I’m figuring out what the next step in my life will be. Change is terrifying, but if there is one thing we can learn from this journey called life is that change is inevitable and will come for you whether you are ready or not.
